Déjà Vu & Personal Records

There’s a very specific type of lie told in cycling.
It sounds like this:
“We’ll do the same route as last week… but just take it easier.”
This week’s culprit? Steve.

We all nodded like mature adults. Minutes later we were sprinting up Watton Street trying to latch onto Steve who, unsurprisingly, had gone straight into his happy place.

Steve’s happy place is 38km/h.
It’s not a suggestion. It’s a lifestyle.

Big group today. Proper numbers. Long rolling turns. Callan and Chris taking monster pulls to keep Steve emotionally regulated at 38. We were well past halfway. On the return leg. I knew it was coming. Mick’s turn. I started trying to communicate with him - telepathically - just to say “come on Mick. Do the right thing here. Ease the pace up a bit”. Mick did not receive the transmission. He held pace and only peeled off at the base of the only “climb”. Smart move Mick. Behind him? Neil. Now, Neil skipped last week’s turns from the comfort of his bed, so today he was already in survival mode. And because Mick is… let’s say… aero, Neil wasn’t getting much draft anyway.

Neil fought bravely.
For about 10 seconds. A valiant performance. We’ll remember it fondly.

We made it back to the café to meet up with the WCG Sunday social group. A solid number were waiting at the start. So many new faces that Kenny — one of the senior members — suggested we go around the grounds and introduce ourselves.

Kenny starts with a confident shout:
“Ken.”
Then Mark. Then Simon (other Simon).

Then we hit our first snag.

Chris. Glaswegian Chris. With the thick Scottish accent Chris. Kenny did not understand a word coming out of Chris’s mouth. He kept repeating what he thought he heard, including: Trish, Christ, Richard – to name a few. Eventually Chris just gave up. Not entirely sure what name we settled on. But it definitely wasn’t Chris. We kept going around the grounds shouting names at Kenny.

Second snag: Callan. It didn’t help that he was standing behind a bush and I think Kenny thought the bush was talking to him. Anyway, I think Kenny settled on Alan for Callan. Close enough. We got through the rest without issue. I suspect Kenny had emotionally checked out by that stage.

7:30 came and went. No sign of our leader, Simon. There were brief murmurs of a leadership spill, but they never gained traction. In truth, we quite enjoy Simon’s leadership style. It’s very “the beatings will continue until morale improves.” Clear expectations. No confusion.

Today’s social loop included Kirk’s Bridge — the one from the original Mad Max with Mel Gibson. Motorbike chase. Bikes launched off the bridge. Cinematic history. I tell anyone within earshot because I think it’s cool. Today’s lucky recipient was Kirra, last week’s first-timer. I’m not convinced she understood most of what I was saying thanks to my accent. At one point I had to actually spell what I was trying to say.

On the way home, the Hour of Power crew made a questionable life choice: the Death Loop. Add 2–3km. Chase the social group. Pretend it’s manageable.

It is not manageable.

A decent number committed. A few were exposed early. Neil was first to depart after his earlier heroic burst. There was then some indecision — crack on, or drop back and assist? That hesitation cost a few more. After that it was Lord of the Flies. If you could hold Steve’s wheel, congratulations. If not, you were alone in a desolate Mad Max wasteland. The confirmed casualties (in no particular order): Neil, Mick, Shane, Ethen and Chris (or do we call him Trish now? I don’t know - Kenny has made this whole thing awkward). We did catch the group. I will openly admit I skipped turns. The mission was always to catch the group and then return for our fallen brothers. To be fair to them, they weren’t actually that far behind. Just slightly… redistributed.

Café chat was the usual chaos. A forensic breakdown of Neil’s ten-second hill masterclass. Everyone also seemed to have a mountain bike war story. We also learned that if you simply keep talking long enough, the people who need to leave early will quietly take the empty coffee cups to the bin. Today’s volunteers were Marco and Neil. Unsung heroes.

Best dressed this week goes to Marco in full green-and-gold UKE kit. After a narrow runner-up last week, he takes the biscuits. Utterly Keep Enjoyable.

Back home and the WhatsApp group was awash with personal records and Mick taking Trish’s local legend status.

This is why we do it. Same roads. Same crew. Always worth the early alarm ⏰.

And if you’re still buzzing from the ride, legs cooked, coffee in hand and stories getting better by the minute — don’t forget to kit up for the recovery phase. Our post-ride funny cycling t-shirts are designed for exactly this moment: zero watts, maximum laughs. Because the ride might be over, but the banter definitely isn’t 🚴☕️😄