The Great Kit Debacle (Winter Edition)

We like to do things together, our bunch.

Same routes. Same coffee stops. Same bad decisions.

So naturally, we all bought the same supplements and matching UKE tops — because nothing says local bunch ride like looking vaguely professional while absolutely not being that.

Only problem?

It was 3 degrees.

So the brand-new tops — months in the making — were about as useful as a sleeveless base layer in Antarctica.

And then… there’s Marco. 

To his credit, Marco took on the responsibility of organising everyone’s order. Coordinating sizes, collecting money, managing expectations.

To his discredit… he ordered Asian sizing instead of Euro sizing.

What followed was less “team issue kit” and more musical chairs, but with lycra.

People swapping sizes in driveways. Negotiations happening in group chats. Grown men asking other grown men, “You reckon I could squeeze into that?”

Marco dropped mine and Neil’s tops off at my place.

I tried mine on.

My wife started laughing.

Not a “that looks good” laugh.

A “you’ve made a terrible mistake” laugh.

Too small.

Neil arrived to collect his.

He tried his on… and look, it might have fit if he’d skipped arm day once in a while. Or shoulder day. Or chest day. The man looked vacuum packed.

Out of curiosity, I tried Neil’s on after him.

Better fit.

But now it was mysteriously loose around the shoulders and biceps…

At this point, I’m wondering how the rest of the bunch is faring.

Some blokes are waiting for replacement sizes.

Others are pretending compression is a feature.

And a few have probably just accepted their fate as aero sausages.

You had one job, Marco.

Winter Has Arrived (No Warning Given)

Also — when did it become winter?

We’ve gone from summer kit to full Arctic survival with absolutely no transition period.

No gentle arm warmers phase. No maybe-a-vest easing in.

Just straight to numb fingers, frozen toes, and questioning life choices at 6:02am.

And speaking of timing… Mick, my kit sponsor, finally delivered my new winter bibs.

Absolutely clutch.

Just in time for it to be 3 degrees.

Good on ya Mick.

Winter Clause: The Leg Shaving Debate

There is, however, one unspoken benefit to winter cycling that no one is talking about.

Long bib season.

Which raises a very serious question…

Do we stop shaving our legs?

In summer, it’s simple. You shave, you commit, and you explain it to non-cyclists at barbecues.

In winter, though, the rules get blurry.

We’re fully covered. No one can see anything. Suddenly the temptation is there to let things go a bit. Grow a little insulation. Save yourself the effort. Pretend it’s tactical.

Some of the boys will stay committed year-round. Disciplined. Principled.

Others will quietly drift into a full off-season coat under the bibs.

And then there’s Simon.

At first glance, it looked like he was wearing long bibs.

Upon closer inspection… short bibs.

Just an impressive matte of leg hair doing the heavy lifting.

Roll Call: Excuses Department

Given the conditions, numbers were reduced.

Maybe because of the cold. Maybe because the excuse department was working overtime.

They were pulling out all the stops.

Some of the usual ones, like “Sorry, I overslept.”

Others had slightly more weight behind them, like “Sorry, my wife has literally just given birth to our first born.”

Fair enough.

But my favourite had to be “Oh sorry — I left my cleats in Dandenong.” 🤔😂

That one raises more questions than it answers.

Hour of Power: A War of Attrition

Despite the above excuses, Hour of Power still had decent numbers.

One newcomer too — Sam.

Steve gave him a warm welcome north of 35km/h.

Rolling turns. You kind of get into the groove.

I’m following Steve’s wheel, and Mick is following mine.

I pass Marco somewhere in the pace line too.

We keep going.

Then Marco has mysteriously disappeared from the pace line.

We keep going. Steve, me, Mick and the others.

Then Mick mysteriously disappears.

It was a war of attrition.

One by one the group whittled down.

No great explosions. Just quiet disappearances into the cold.

Post-Ride Investigations

Back at the café, while waiting for the Sunday Social to kick off, we found out that Mick and Marco had kindly dropped back to help some of the others.

Yeah right, Mick and Marco.

Sunday Social (Lite Edition)

The Sunday Social only added a few more riders to the group.

I think the rest made the smart call and stayed warm in bed.

Back at the café, the chat was mostly about the cold and winter kit.

We also spoke at length about going tubeless. Some folks on both sides of the fence.

Kenny the elder said he gets tubes from Aldi.

Good. Different.

We also touched on Steve’s feminine hands 🫦

No further elaboration needed there.

Best Dressed

Only one man was flying the colours of the synchronised jersey.

Callan.